A “What If…” Question about Reading Minds

by He Who Smelt It of AccordingToWhim.com

I did a review about an app called “What If…” (Google Play link) and at some point I quipped that you would end up talking about farting soon enough. This question is why I said that:

What if…

you can read people’s thoughts.

But…

you fart continuously for as long as you do it.

Yes or No?

I said yes to this one. I was in the minority on this, but not by much. 42% of the people who answered said yes. Still people seem a bit adverse to this power.

Maybe they would just be too embarrassed by the incessant farting. Maybe they just smell really bad. Maybe they’re afraid that someone would figure out the correlation between them having really bad gas and winning at poker. Who knows?

Here’s what I thi…

Maybe they just feel it’s immoral to invade other people’s thought… nah.

The power of The Spleen and the ability to read minds too? Sign me up!

One of the problems with mind reading as we see it in the movies is that the person with the power can’t seem to shut the power off. The phrasing of this question suggests that you can shut the power off. This is appealing. It means that you choose when to use the power.

You could use the power for good by catching and convicting the true criminals. You could help find missing children. You could help convict ex-football players who murder their ex-wife (unless they already have double jeopardy on their side because a jury sidestepped justice to avoid a possible riot). You could gather information to prevent terrorist attacks without insane torture tactics. You could hang out with those “Leaving Neverland” guys and figure out once and for all whether or not to burn

your “Thriller” CD.

What if you think of a great question -but- it’s a brain fart?

 

If you’re still worried about the morality of it all, you just have to promise yourself to never use the power on friends and loved ones, unless you’re providing the air freshener.

Never use the power in church, because you’ll be sitting in your own pew… I was with my second wife for eight years, and, aside from our children, that joke she told me is the only thing worth talking about.

And really, we haven’t talked about range. If you can sit in your car and read minds then you’re good as long as long as a cop doesn’t ask you to roll down your window. And really, if you’re just sitting in your car minding your own business, and the business of whoever’s mind you’re violating, maybe that cop deserves a whiff.

Chris McGinty is a blogger who can feel ok about accepting this power as his farts smell like potpourri. With great power comes Country Fresh flatulence.