Maybe It’s COLD Feet [rimshot]

by Chris McGinty AccordingToWhim.com

The number one reason that I get sidetracked in the obtainationing (real word, just trust me, don’t worry about looking it up) of my goals is easily my need to maintain a 40+ hour a week job. The number two reason is easily the fact that I’ll get distracted from the schedule that I set for myself, because I’m the type of person who likes to get out and experience life.

Today, I want to deal with the number three reason, that doesn’t come up as often, but is easily the one I hate the most. Yes, I hate it even more than my dead end job. It seems like every time I feel myself getting focused, motivated, and ready to go; it’s about that time that I’ll also feel some sort of common cold symptom creeping in. I’ll do everything I possibly can to not get sick, but for the next three days I can’t get anything done because I feel like crap.

I’m not a smart person, and I don’t even play one on TV. I suspect that I know what it’s like to be smart though. The reason I hate being sick is because I’m used to my brain constantly going in all sorts of crazy, unfocused, largely unhelpful directions. It may not be good when I’m trying to finish long projects, but at least it’s an active brain. When I get sick, I don’t just feel weak of body, but also weak of mind. I can’t seem to reason as well. There is no such thing as going off routine to try something new or expand my knowledge. I just take up space looking like an extra from “The Walking Dead.” The jump from common cold brain to normal brain is what I suspect it would be like to wake up one day with about 100 more IQ points. I realize that last sentence suggests I already have 100 IQ points to add the new 100 IQ points to, but if you saw this sentence before I edited it, you would probably doubt that I do.

My point is that while I’m never super thrilled about going to work, and I probably shouldn’t go hang out and play board games so often, for the most part I’m ok with those distractions. I would like my body to stop with the common cold nonsense though. I’m thinking I should only be sick once a year for about 17 and a half hours, and then let me be at the top of my presumed three-digit IQ game the rest of the time.

And for the love of all that’s time-managabitatable (as real as the other word, don’t worry about looking it up) please don’t make my one time a year for getting sick happen right when I’m feeling super motivated. Thanks in advance, body.

Chris McGinty is a… blah… grrrr. I’m going back to bed.