Thursday, March 17, 2011

Trainwreck Idol: Top 12 Trainwrecks

by Chris McGinty (According To Whim .com)

It was a rough night on American Idol. When I watch the show, I don’t usually walk away feeling like I lost an hour or two of my life. I feel that way after watching it today. I’m wondering if they’re going to have the same mentor the whole season too. I guess it would be alright, because the mentors usually don’t tell them much more of use than this guy is.

It was “year of your birth” night, and I realized that Thia is the only fifteen year old still left in the competition.

Naima did “What’s Love Got to Do with It?” by Tina Turner. It was a bad performance of a good version of the song.

Paul did “I Guess That’s Why They Call It the Blues” by Elton John. I don’t understand. Rod Stewart had an album in 1984, right?

Thia was good. I was thinking, it’s from 1995, it’s not grunge, I know it, and I have children. It must be Disney.

James was born in 1989. He did “I’ll Be There for You” by Bon Jovi. James was basically good, but Bon Jovi wasn’t basically good at all that year.

Haley did “I’m Your Baby Tonight” by Whitney Houston. She didn’t do well at all.

Stefano finally came out and did a real performance, “If You Don’t Know Me By Now,” which is just wrong for anyone to be doing Simply Red when Brett is gone. And it was their version, because it was year you were born, and Stefano was not born in 1972. I was. Because I’m 38.

Pia did “Where Do Broken Hearts Go?” She sang it well, but it was the gay club dance version of the song, so I didn’t like it from that perspective.

Scotty… have I ever mentioned that he has a good country voice.

Karen sings better in Spanish, strangely. She did “Love Will Bring You back” by Taylor Dayne. Taylor Dayne had a huge, strong voice and Karen didn’t.

Casey finally broke the instrument cherry. No one has used an instrument since the first competition show (Top 24). He did an ok job, but he did Nirvana’s “Smells LikeTeen Spirit,” which while a great song, isn’t vocally dynamic. It was one of those “bold moves” that contestants sometimes make to set themselves apart from the rest of the contestants, but it was wasted on a night of such bad performances.

Lauren was spectacular. She did “I’m the Only One” by Melissa Etheridge. She absolutely picked the right song. Her last couple of weeks had made me doubt her a little, but this brought back my confidence. And since singing isn’t the only factor that people tend to judge by, I want to say that I like her personality. She’s such a goofball. I’d like to hang out in a room with her and a bunch of other people for an hour just to be entertained.

Jacob wow. Just wow. That guy is so great. He did “Alone” by Heart. I always cringe when someone tries to sing something sung by Ann Wilson, because they always underestimate how good of a voice she has. To hear Heart, it doesn’t seem all that intimidating, but she has one hell of a powerful voice. When the song started out I was thinking he had made a mistake, but he turned it into something pretty amazing.

I’m not sure if I can pick a bottom three this week. It was all so terrible. The thing is that Haley and Karen were in the bottom last week, so it might stand to reason that they will end up there again, but neither of them was that bad compared to some of the others. I think that Paul should be in, but the judges are still talking him up. They more or less said, “That wasn’t good, but you’re so unique that we think you’re great.” So I’m going to guess Naima, Haley, and Karen. Stefano could end up in there, but I don’t think he should be. My first instinct last week was a little more right than my final guess. I said Stefano in both. He wasn’t in the bottom three. So I’ll say Naima, Haley and Karen.

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