Saturday, January 22, 2011

Flash Ahhhh!: Episode Three – Registration and Obfusc… Obfusc… Miguel Gets a Power

by the According To Whim .com crew

(Part One by Chris McGinty)

[EXT – DAY – DOWNTOWN FORT WORTH]

(Chris and Nathan find themselves downtown looking for the building in question.)

NATHAN: I really have no idea where this place is. And I’m a real man, so I can’t ask for directions.

CHRIS: You don’t have to ask directions. Just read people’s minds. Someone is sure to know.

NATHAN: I’ll try that.

(They walk on. Nathan ends up walking away while Chris walks on. Chris hears Nathan from a slight distance.)

NATHAN: You should leave him. He’s still sleeping with that ex-girlfriend you don’t want him hanging out with. Oh wait, nevermind. She slept with her boss for a promotion. You’re made for each other. Carry on.

CHRIS: Nathan! Leave the nice people alone.

(Chris and Nathan walk on. They look ahead and see Miguel.)

CHRIS: What are you doing downtown?

MIGUEL: I was probably just running camera.

CHRIS: Is he lying?

NATHAN: You know I’m unclear this time.

MIGUEL (his mouth not moving in time with his speech): No, that’s just it. My immunity developed into a power just after you guys left.

NATHAN: What the hell is going on with your voice? You’re talking, but it looks like you’ve been overdubbed. And poorly at that.

MIGUEL: Isn’t it neat? Not only can I overdub any voice over my actual speech, but people can’t read my mind or even tell if I’m lying because I can obfusc- obfus I can make my actual intentions unknown.

CHRIS: Oh, you have obfusc- obfusc- That power you just mentioned.

NATHAN: Do you two not speak English. He has obfusc- obfusc- You know, what Miguel said.

CHRIS: I got an idea. Miguel, overdub an announcers voice.

(The screen switches to a definition. An announcer reads the following: “obfuscation: n. the ability to obscure or confuse in such a way that the truth is unclear.”)

MIGUEL: Yeah, that’s the one. I told my wife I was called into work. She believed me, so finally after all these years I can hang out with until my heart’s content.

NATHAN : What if she calls your work and you’re not there?

MIGUEL: Quiet you.

NATHAN: Chris, dear god! She’s too young!

CHRIS: She’s at least 18.

(Nathan concentrates.)

NATHAN: Yes, she’s 19, but she also like them a little bit bigger than what you have buddy.

(Nathan indicates Chris’s crotchal area.)

CHRIS: Shut the fuck up.

NATHAN: We need to get to the registration office, anyway, before it closes.

MIGUEL: Then that is what we shall do.

CHRIS: Let’s go!

NATHAN: I hate the both of you sometimes.

(At the Super Powers Registration office, the three friends walk in to see a huge line.)

CHRIS: We’ll be here all day.

NATHAN: What else do you think you have to do?

MIGUEL: I was going to go into Tosche station to pickup some power converters

NATHAN: Shut up. I remember now why we don’t hang out with you.

CHRIS: Let’s get out of here. When Miguel gets caught we’ll never get to hang out again. I don’t want to waste our boy’s day out here.

NATHAN: What is it that you think… wait a minute. I can’t read your thoughts anymore. My power is gone.

MIGUEL: Don’t panic, Nathan. This whole building is fitted with disruptors that keep folks like you from using your powers. Government offices are very secretive.

NATHAN: So I can’t use my power at all?

CHRIS: Let’s hang out here… all day… every day…

(Just then a man at the front of the line can be heard.)

MAN: My power works like this.

(He raises his arms, his body suddenly covers with feathers, and he flies around the room. The hundreds of people in the office cheer.)

NATHAN: Chris! Are you nuts?

CHRIS: What are you talking about?

NATHAN: We can’t do something that grandiose. You just wrote a throw away scene that will cost thousands of dollars.

CHRIS: You have credit cards.

NATHAN: No, you’ll have to cut that scene out. We can’t afford all those extras.

CHRIS: This is what you get for not writing your part of the story for well over a year. I had to step in and I wanted a scene with a feather dude and hundreds of spectators.

NATHAN: Let’s just get out of here before I hurt someone.

(The three amigos walk back onto the street.)

CHRIS: Miguel and Kim could always get a loan.

MIGUEL: I have to know. Is he serious about that?

NATHAN: More serious than he is about most things.

MIGUEL: That actually frightens me.

CHRIS: So we’re presumably super heroes…

MIGUEL: Or super villains.

CHRIS: … or super villains. So what do we do now?

NATHAN: Let’s go to TCC.

CHRIS: To Collect Costumes.

NATHAN: Don’t start. No one got that sketch the first time we did it. No, I was just thinking that it’s a community college. They have government forms available to students. Maybe we can find someone nice who will give us the forms to register our powers.

[INT – DAY – TARRANT COUNTY COLLEGE]

(The three would be heroes walk the halls looking for an information desk. Chris points at various college girls.)

CHRIS: Does she think I’m cute?

NATHAN: No.

CHRIS: Does she think I’m cute?

NATHAN: No.

CHRIS: Does she think I’m cute?

NATHAN: No.

CHRIS: You’re lying. At least one of the last twenty girls I asked you about thought I was cute.

NATHAN: I’m not using my powers like that.

CHRIS: Why not? It’s self serving. I just remembered it was on my list, and that list was like gospel to us.

NATHAN: It wasn’t on your list, and might I add that was the dumbest list I ever read.

CHRIS: Was not.

NATHAN: Spray painting the whole of downtown Dallas in a day?

CHRIS: It’s a challenge. See if I was fast enough.

MIGUEL: Hey.

NATHAN: Yes?

MIGUEL: Just thought I’d get a line in here somewhere.

NATHAN: Maybe if you were writing part of this, you would get more lines. Now quiet down. There’s the information desk.

(Chris looks and sees a very attractive girl at the resource desk.)

CHRIS: Does she…

NATHAN: No.

(Nathan approaches the resource desk.)

NATHAN: Excuse me miss, but… (Nathan’s lips go out of sync) I want to have mad passionate sex with your anus.

GIRL: What did you say to me?

NATHAN: I didn’t say anything… (Nathan’s lips go out of sync) that should surprise you with an anus like that.

GIRL: Oh my god! I have never been so insulted! And why is your mouth not moving with the words you’re saying?

NATHAN: Miguel!

MIGUEL: What? You’re right. You should have all the lines.

(Nathan runs after Miguel, who takes off down the hall to avoid retribution.)

CHRIS: I could catch him easier. If I wanted to.

(Chris approaches the resource desk.)

CHRIS: What my clearly creepy and insensitive friend was trying to say…

Girl: You give me the creeps too.

CHRIS: Ok, so he wasn’t lying. My point is that we are trying to get super power registration forms.

GIRL: Are you students?

CHRIS: Yes.

GIRL: You’re lying. I can read minds.

CHRIS: Why am I the only one without the power to read minds?

GIRL: What power do you have?

CHRIS: I go real fast.

GIRL: I bet you do.

CHRIS: I… hey that was funny.

GIRL: Knew you’d like it. Anyway, I’m afraid I can’t give you the forms unless you’re students, but you can wipe that disappointed thought out of your mind. You can register for our many Super Power courses, and the registration forms are given out automatically to students who aren’t registered. And no, I’m not Basil’s daughter.

CHRIS: Alright, well I’ll go find my friends, maybe save Miguel’s life while I’m at it. Oh by the way…

GIRL: No, she doesn’t think you’re cute, and neither do I.

(Part Two by Miguel Cruz)

(Just then a ten year old boy bursts into the room. Nathan and Chris pick up their crossbows. They each fire an arrow. Nathan's runs clean through to the boys lung. The boy begins to collapse. As he does so, Chris’ arrow hits it’s target, the boy’s heart. The boy is dead before he hits the floor.)

NATHAN: That was impressive.

CHRIS: Yes, but not as impressive as the first week's sales of Tones on Tales second album in the native Birmingham.

NATHAN: I thought they were British.

CHRIS: No, that's Information Society. Tones on Tale is also from Britain.

NATHAN: But you just said they're from Birmingham, Alabama.

CHRIS: Oh no silly boy, Birmingham is also a city in England.

NATHAN: Hmmm. Let's just go to sleep. We’ll get rid of the body in the morning.

CHRIS: Agreed.

(THE END)

(Part Three by Chris McGinty)

NATHAN: You have the most fucked up dreams.

(Chris startles awake.)

CHRIS: You were able to watch that?


NATHAN: Yeah, it’s part of reading minds.

CHRIS: Hmm. Miguel is an idiot by the way. It’s Tones on Tail. You know, I always thought that if there was a way to record my dreams to a video media, Hollywood would be in danger of going bankrupt. Where’s Miguel?

NATHAN: He’s hiding. I’m sure he’ll come back out when he thinks I’ve forgotten.

CHRIS: I went looking for the two of you, but eventually gave up and dozed…

(Just then a ten year old boy bursts into the room. Chris reaches for his crossbow.)

NATHAN: You don’t have a crossbow, Chris. And for that matter he’s not a threat. He’s the smartest student here, and often jokes that when he becomes a Super Hero he will be called Osmosis Man because he learns by some unexplained form of osmosis and never forgets a fact no matter how pointless.

CHRIS: Is his name Reece?

NATHAN: What?

CHRIS: You would get that if you had read it.

NATHAN: His name is Larry, and I suggest we befriend him, because he may be very valuable whenever we figure out what we’re doing.

CHRIS: Ok, let me do the talking. Hello there Reece. My name is Chris. My cohorts and I are joining the Super Power course structure at this fine establishment.

LARRY: My name is Larry.

CHRIS: Whatever Reece. Anyway, we will be best friends, for I have decreed it.

LARRY: My name is Larry.

CHRIS: It’s Reece.

LARRY: It’s Larry.

CHRIS: It is, in fact, Reece
.
LARRY: I think I would know my own name.

CHRIS: I don’t think you even realize that the man who has raised you isn’t even your biological father.

LARRY: My step dad? Well no, he wouldn’t be would he? My biological father, the man who will always be Mein Pa to me, was killed serving the government when I was two. I could pull out huge favors in an otherwise seemingly hopeless situation, and save my friends from certain demise. It’s too bad you’re not my friend, friend.

CHRIS: Actually Reece, I am your friend, and you’ll just have to get over your denial.

(Larry grabs the forms he came to get, and walks off. He seems incredibly pissed off.)

NATHAN: What I find fascinating about all that is that you actually think you know what you’re doing.

C: What I find fascinating is that you don’t think I do. Let’s get registered.
(End Episode Three)

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